Best Makeshift Snow Removal Implements

All you D.C. dwellers without snow shovels, despair not. You can meet the city-mandated requirement to clear your sidewalk within the first eight hours of post-snow daylight next time the District is buried—which, hopefully, given how well it all went last time, is never. You have the makings of a shovel in your house. Item No. 1: Pots and/or pans. No need to use the Calphalon. Any old thing will do. No. 2: Kitchen broom or mop. Best employed in hard-to-reach areas, like car roof. Soft bristles preferable. No. 3: Garden spade or (better) shovel. Dig as you would in the yard. No. 4: Recycle bin. Use in conjunction with pots/pans. Fill. Dump. Repeat. No. 5: Plastic trash can. Self-explanatory. No. 6: Serving spoon. It will take a long time, but not as long as waiting for the melt. No. 7: Plate attached to end of stick. If you’ve ever put together any Ikea furniture, you are qualified to make this contraption. Required materials: duct tape. Instructions: Attach plate to stick. Good to go!