Best Business Voicemail Message

High Dive
First, they get you with the good old-fashioned fake out, making it seem as though a gruff old woman has picked up the line, only to abruptly start reciting the operating hours. Once that’s finished, the woman exclaims, “Boy oh boy, that’s a son of a bitchin’ mouthful!” The message then takes a dark, stream-of-consciousness turn, covering topics from the owners (“they’re great guys, but one time they beat me mercilessly”) to the menace of birds (“forget it with birds—they’ll kill them all”). Don’t expect a call back, though: The High Dive permanently closed its doors in March. As the anonymous voicemail message recorder once said, “All right, all right, enough with the small talk.”