Best Way to Prepare for the Upcoming Apocalypse

Best: Hoard
2nd Best: Unique Thrift Store Bazaar
Various locations
Sure, laugh now. But when the end of human civilization is nigh and we’re all forced to hit the road, you’re all going to be wishing you had beaten me to the electric blue wheelchair that I snapped up for $15. It’s the sort of exit strategy you’ll find at Unique Thrift, a used clothing and furniture bargain bin with locations sprinkled across the D.C. burbs. Unique has racks upon racks of armageddon supplies and accessories: Shotgun-wedding dresses for last-minute eternal bonds. Kenny Loggins records for zombie beheadings. Kitsch, for the memories. One shopper found a commemorative Corona tank top from a particularly kicky wake, which, at the very least, falls under “things you shouldn’t wear unless the world is actually ending.” There’s also a boat permanently parked outside the Falls Church location that appears to serve no purpose—yet.