Best Longest, Saddest, Cheap Happy Hour

Foggy Bottom Whole Foods
2201 I St. NW, (202) 296-1660
If the purpose of happy hour is to unwind with friends after work, you won’t find much relaxing about the Foggy Bottom Whole Foods’ chaotic cafeteria-like dining room at the front of the store. Between groups of cackling George Washington University students, loud rock music, the screeching of metal chairs dragged across the floor, and people charging their devices, there is not much refuge from the real world. Before you can even join the mob though, you must navigate the store’s often long and stressful lines filled with yuppies. Even then, you’re not ready to throw one back: The only available bottle opener is at customer service. Why endure such an ordeal? Whole Foods offers a large selection of craft beers, most well under $5 for a 12-ounce bottle. My Deschutes Fresh Squeezed IPA cost $2.49 on a recent evening, but I could have settled for a Yuengling IPA for $2 or a PBR for a buck and a half (plus tax). Wines are mostly $5 per glass, but don’t look for anything harder. (This is, after all, a grocery store.) Despite the prices, I wouldn’t over-indulge. But if you do, just be sure to stop at customer service or the first floor before hitting the bathrooms in the basement—you’ll need to acquire the door code before you can get into the john.